I am going to make choices in my life that others do not agree with, and yes I do understand that. LG did not agree with me moving to California, which he tells me underhandedly at least once a week. My Uncle does not agree with me getting engaged. He tells me this outright. My mother doesn't like all of the animals I buy. There are days I can easily hold up my middle finger and tell them I don't care. But there are days, and those are the days where my soul is so unbelievably low that I begin to doubt my choices. I begin to wonder if I did the right thing.
So here folks, is my form of self validation:
I moved here to get out of the hell that I called Utah. Most of the people there were never true friends, making fun of the things I loved openly to my face. I don't want to raise my family in the environment that I had to endure. Where acceptance and love is something only given to the chosen ones. I needed a place to call my own. I saw it, and ran for it. I know you think I left you, and in a messed up sense I did. We were becoming toxic, we weren't allowing ourselves to grow. I needed to readjust my life and so did you. I have seen what an incredible man you have already become, and I am so excited for the man you will become in the next 18 months.
I know that I am young. And I will agree with you that 18 is early. But don't you dare speak for my father. You are not him. You are my Uncle. And YES I know that you technically knew him longer then I, which I honestly resent you for. But neither of us can speak for a man who is dead. Do not tell me what he would say. Because no one knows those things. We didn't even know he was going to take his own life, so how would we know what he would say about my situation. I know this. He would be PROUD of me for the things that I have done. And you have to admit, I have grown five times more then other kids my age. So again, I ask you, do not speak for a man who is dead. I loved my father, but he decided to leave. Therefore, he forfeited his rights to speak into my life.
To make money, you have to spend it. My business is a strange one, where up front you have to shell out a lot of cash and then wait for things to happen. It is not a quick cash business. My business partner and I have put a hold on our buying and are waiting for things to progress. We are hoping to have two clutches of snakes that will give us at least 300 dollars an animal. It is all a waiting game. But I know you are saying these things because you want me to take care of myself. I hear you. Loud and clear. Thank you :)
I am excited for the next year and a half. Things are changing wonderfully. Our business is kicking off, LG and I got engaged, so I am overtaken by planning and ideas. If they spill across these typed words excuse me for I need... validation. I need someone to tell me that they like where my brain is going.
I do not have a song for the day today.
